


Keep Breathing

by WhatIs



Category: Castle
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 17:05:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8110474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatIs/pseuds/WhatIs
Summary: Always and After the Storm continuations.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone. This is my first Castle story, but not first fan fiction. Yep, another to add to the huge universe of Always stories. I hope you like it.

She felt the heft of It, ran her thumb over the stitching, touched the smooth leather, the roughness of the numbers. It was just a badge to some; for Kate Beckett 41319 was everything.

It defined her, drove her, made her who she was—all the good and bad. She wanted more. She’s ready to make peace with her scars—inside and out—make peace with everything.

“I resign.” The thud of the badge hitting Gates’s desk echoed through Kate.

“Nothing goes as planned.” She thought packing away her elephants. She looked at the chair beside her desk. Castle’s chair. Goodbye seemed to whisper through her.

With heavy feet she stepped onto the elevator, feeling heartsick, miserable, and trying to keep it together. Leaning against the wall, she took a deep breath. The weight of it all on her shoulders. A lone tear fell; she wiped her left cheek and whispered “Castle.”

She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails. Elizabeth Edwards. Kate thought, “I’m adjusting mine.” The water squished under her black boots. It was already puddling beneath the swings. 

Sitting in the down pour; a smile, sweet remembrance as she looked at Castle’s swing. It was fond remembrance but laced with regret.

Everything is dark. It’s more than you can take.

She licked her lips and took a breath, looking up. Pain, utter pain, a stabbing in her gut for what she did, what she had, what she threw away. Tears burned her throat.

“I’m done. Crying. Fighting. Trying. I’m just done.” She announced to the rain. The case, the searching, the desperation, she can’t go back—won’t. Hanging from a 13 story building has a way of wiping away the mundane and bringing everything into focus. A humility, was emerging, a heart intelligence that had dropped Kate to the point of her knees hitting the floor. 

It was weird, not having that wall, it was her protective shield. The cloak she wore against feeling too much: pain and sorrow, joy and love. It was no lie that knowing Castle loved her for so long, hearing those words fall from his lips helped. It allowed her to face that cloak and start taking it off, especially around him. Lanie commented during one girls’ night--movie and wine--at Kate’s place that she was lighter. Not just the set of her jaw and shoulders, but the light in her eyes. Lanie thought it was all due to Castle. Kate finally realized she had a knight that would back her up so she could don her armor and fight. He was always at the ready. And when she was weary of fighting, he would lift her up with a smile or insane theory that he kept up just to bug her. That man was a wonder, should be considered one of the seven of the world.

Turmoil and love rolled in her stomach. She needed solid ground, a touch stone where she could unfurl from the stress and relax. She needed Castle. She headed to SoHo.

Eddie waved and said something about it really coming down as Kate squeaked across the dry lobby. As she watched the numbers flash on the elevator she held onto her grit. Whatever it took, she was going to win Castle back. She was willing to drop to her knees again if she had to. On the ride up she worried her thumbnail between her teeth. Would he forgive her? Would he take her back? He had to. The gut-wrenching ache and ripped apart heart had been pushing her ever since their heated battle. A battle of wills, bruised spirits and hurt feelings. You cut a deal for my life—you don’t get to decide. Rung in her head. And then the finality, the heaviness of Castle’s I’m done. 

( ********* )

Irrational, unbridled joy. He was drunk, drunk on Kate’s love. In the low level light cast by the small lamp tucked away on a bookshelf, Castle took in the sight before him: a naked, slumbering, very gorgeous Kate Beckett. Kate lay on her left side, her right hand against Castle.

Head propped in his hand, blue eyes took in every detail. Castle felt soothed by her face and mere presence like he might by a sunset. Kate’s honey brown hair had fallen onto one of her cheeks. Castle hooked it behind her ear. The thin down of her face gathered the light at one corner of her jaw. He had been gentle and she had trembled. She had made sweet sounds of soft pleasures and sobbing cries. Then she had rolled into his arms, her nose nuzzled his neck. And now Castle watched her sleep. 

Resting on his side, with the lightest touch, the pads of his fingers ruffling the hair on her arm, finger tips like cats’ paws, Castle catalogued the feel of her right shoulder, down her arm to the splayed fingers. Thoughts of closeness and clichés dominated his thoughts and desires. They weren’t carnal but of love.

He brushed the side of his finger down her cute nose, followed the contours of her eyebrow and ran his fingers along her jaw. He heard a hum from her and watched as her eyelashes fluttered and then came fully open revealing green eyes the color of emerald. Deep and calm. She closed her eyes and smiled. “You’re being creepy, Castle.”

“Can’t help it.” His thumb skimmed her cheek.

Kate grinned and turned into his touch.

Castle leaned in for a gentle kiss. He got a small moan when he slipped the tip of his tongue beneath Kate’s top lip. Something he found out she loved a few hours ago.  
When he pulled away, noses still touching, he couldn’t stop the smile. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Kate’s voice broke on the last word.

Castle settled down on the pillow, eye to eye with Kate. She reached out and touched his lips as she did before, right before the storm began.

“Are you hungry or thirsty?” Castle asked.

Kate giggled. “I’m fine, but thank you.”

He noticed the violet patches under her eyes. When he reached to pull her closer, he saw the flicker of pain and heard the small hiss.

His eyes clouded with concern as his brows knitted together. When he gently extracted the sheet from under Kate’s arm he saw a red mark on her back. Castle encouraged Kate to lie on her stomach. “Kate.” He whispered.

He carefully examined each patch of red. “This one here,” indicating her lower back, “looks like Australia.”

Kate felt him carefully outline it and then place soft kisses. “And up here,” on her left shoulder, “looks like a perfectly shaped cloud.”

“A cloud?” Kate smirked. “That’s the best the imagination of Richard Castle can come up with.”

“I calls them as I sees them.” Castle kissed his way over to her other shoulder. Looking at it carefully, titling his head to the side. “A perfect straight line. Did you get all of this checked out?”

Kate turned on her side to look at him. “I did.”

“Hospital?”

“EMTs.”

Castle’s eyebrow lifted up. He told her that words are their own characters, have their own momentum. He could tell she wasn’t concentrating on remembering, but on the event instead. Tracking Maddox, and attempting to take him out. Her chase to the roof, the fight, she didn’t tell him about all of her injuries, but knew they’d show up in the next few days.

“And you feel okay about this?” Castle’s blue eyes bore into her green ones. “Not being a cop anymore?”

“Yeah, I am. I really am.” A genuine smile bloomed across her face. She grew solemn. “You were right. I should have listened to you when you said they’d come after me. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“Well…you better listen to me after this.” Castle tickled her sides.

Kate laughed and squirmed. 

Castle didn’t want to hurt her so he stopped and carefully wrapped his arms around her, pulled her to rest completely on top of him.  
Kate smiled down at him. 

She knows what he tastes like. She knows what he smells like—the up close on the skin smell. She knows what he feels like beneath her hands, in her, over her. She knows what it feels like to sleep with her head on his chest, his arms holding her close. She loves that he loves to cuddle.

Water ran over his body, rivulets finding their way down fingers, muscles. She watched it travel from his massive shoulders, down his flat stomach, over his strong thighs, down his…flaccid and thick and long flesh, dripping from the blunt tip loving the way all of this looked, the way he looked, from head to toe.  
Kate’s fingers lifted to feel the water. 

Some women notice wide shoulders, massive hands, bulging biceps, a nice tight ass—yeah all those are nice. And Kate noticed those things about Castle. She also noticed his neck. Kate loved it when his button down gaped at the neck. The extra weight he had put on filled out his large frame perfectly. Kate had no idea why his neck called to her. It indicated he was fit and strong. She loved the way it met his strong chest. She had wanted to nuzzle and bury her nose there. Run kisses up the sides and over corded muscles and she had.

People didn’t realize how massive Castle was, not until they’d hugged him or seen him in a tight shirt. Wide shoulders, strong chest. He bench pressed 330 and squatted double that.

The neck is the first hint of the body beneath it. Muscled and dense—a warrior’s neck. It made the primal side of Kate growl with appreciation and anticipation. This is a fine specimen of man and she always wanted to dive below the jackets and shirts and explore the heavy chest she knew was underneath and the big biceps she’d find and now she was afraid she was addicted. 

Kate knew Castle was more than his physical being, and it went to the softer side of her. The side that came out when the badge came off. The one where she didn’t have to kick ass, where she could let someone else be strong—hold her, protect her. Castle had proven that over and over again. The weight made him look mature, grown up, someone she could trust her heart to. The muscles called to the instinctual side of Kate for someone bigger and stronger to step in front of her and take the brunt of whatever was coming, be it life, a tiger, a punch. 

Kate gently touched Castle’s cheek remembering how incredibly sweet he was, how he had knelt in front of her, still fully clothed, eyes burning with love and concern. He’d asked 

“Kate,” wanting to know if she wanted to go forward, or explain what happened; if he needed to take care of her.

“Castle, later. I promise…” she had seen the hesitation. “Please, Rick,” she’d nearly begged. He had nodded and kissed her before pushing the wet hair from her cheek.

Castle saw twin tears fall on Kate’s cheeks. “Hey,” his voice soft and a touch deeper, his concern manifesting itself in the folds of his forehead. With a hand on her hip he pulled her closer. His blue eyes implored her.

Kate shook her head. “Everything.”

Castle was patient, waiting for her to clarify.

“This,” hand indicating them, “the fall, how incredibly sweet you are, how much you love me.”

His look was concentrated trying to figure her out before she spoke.

“Everything.” The tears become too much to hold back. 

Rick pulled her against his solid, strong frame. Those immense arms cradling her to him. “Everything,” he spoke to her, his embrace of love as well of comfort.

Kate cried out all of it, more overwhelmed by love than anything.

‘How could I have been so stupid?’ She thought, head pressed to his wet chest.

Rick pulled back a bit, his hands framing Kate’s face, eyes roaming over every feature. He brought his lips down to hers, a kiss of reaffirmation. Pulling apart, he gave her an eskimo kiss.

Kate giggled. She looked up at Castle with adoring and thankful eyes.

“We should get clean after the dirty things we did.” 

Kate gave him a saucy grin.

Castle picked up the shampoo. His girl was going to smell like him. He couldn’t suppress the goofy grin. Kate caught his expression and rolled her eyes. 

Steam had filled the room. Kate learned how good it felt to have Castle massage her scalp as he shampooed her long hair. He’d whispered to her how he loved touching every part of her. And he did—the places she couldn’t reach, between her shoulder blades and those she could— washing slowly down each arm. He was very careful of her numerous red marks, more had popped up over the hours. At first she’d flinched when he’d come to the scar on her left side. He’d made a point earlier, to kiss every millimeter. She could tell he was enjoying himself. He’d gone from half-mast to standing proud. Kate gave him a wink.

For her part Kate adored the pleasant physical features of the man in front of her. She soaped him up and rinsed him off in a way that assured he liked the attention. Just as Castle had, Kate had taken things slow and caressed her man. Kissing here and there. The water brushed up against their skin; heightening the sensitivity.

When they got out and after Castle had dried Kate off with a fluffy green towel, he’d seen what she’d done. He laughed. There on the door was a heart with R & K in it.

He grabbed Kate around the waist and kissed her. “So…” pointing to her art work, “is this Kate Beckett in love?”

“Yes.” She shyly looked down, “but only with you—no wall.”

Rick actually felt tears sting his eyes. He lifted her chin. His lips softly met hers, moving over them tenderly—the towels left on the bathroom floor, forgotten.

Kate brought her hand up, sliding her fingers through his slick hair feeling the softness. Castle ran his tongue along her bottom lip. Kate opened, inviting him in. He ran his tongue over hers, loving the feel. It was a dance, not a duel. When the need for air became too much, Kate broke away with a gasp that turned into a low moan as Castle nuzzled her neck. His hands drifted along her sides, grazing the outside of her breasts.

Kate shivered. Running her hands over his shoulders and down his arms, Kate moved in closer, feeling his stiffened manhood against her stomach.  
Castle kissed his way down Kate’s left shoulder, smelling his body-wash on her driving his arousal up a notch.

Kate pulled Castle back up for a kiss. As they nipped and slid tongue against tongue, Castle slowly walked them back to the bed. When Kate’s knees hit, he laid her down. Stretching out beside her, he kissed her softly and slowly. When the kiss broke they met forehead to forehead and smiled. 

“I love you.” Kate looked up into his blue eyes the shade of cobalt.

“And I love you. Always.” Castle brushed her wet hair from her face, running a thumb over her soft cheek. His eyes followed his thumb as it smoothed along her jaw to her bottom lip. Gazes met and held, they weren’t doing “their eye sex” as Lanie called it, but saying more than mere words could.

Kate reached up and cradled Rick’s cheek in her hand. His eyes closed at the touch, savoring it. He moved—starting with her eyes, placing soft kisses down her cheeks, and over to her lips. He ran his tongue along the edges. The kisses continued, nibbling and playing. Kate’s tongue met Rick’s, eager to investigate him again. They delved in, twisting and tasting the other with all the passion they shared. Castle pulled Kate’s bottom lip between his teeth, sucking lightly on it, then pushing his tongue back into the warm cave of her mouth. The kiss deepened, as arousal and love raced through their systems. Kate felt need pooling in the pit of her stomach. She pushed up with her hips, trying for some resistance to take the edge off. 

Castle moved his strong thigh between her legs and heard her groan at the feel. He slid his tongue, exploring.

Kate’s hands had made their way to Castle’s shoulders, and pulled hard, trying to get as close to him as possible.

Breaking away, Kate ran her tongue along Castle’s neck, one of the places that drove her mad—making her let out a feminine growl of need and appreciation. 

Castle returned the gesture and moved his lips along Kate’s jaw and down the sensitive skin of her throat. She tilted her head just so. He found the spot just below her jaw that drove her wild. His hand wondering, ran along the back of her thigh, up to her ass, giving it a little squeeze. She let out a squeak and jumped.

Kate felt the rumble of Castle’s laughter against her throat. She gave him a playful smack against his shoulder blade. Castle’s left hand moved up from her thigh to her ribs—just staying there, threatening. She nipped at his shoulder in warning.

Rick applied a light touch skimming over Kate’s side. She whimpered and trembled. Castle pulled back to look down at her, giving her a grin. All she could do was look back with warm eyes. This was turning out to be one hell of a ride.

Kate lightly fisted a hand in Rick’s brown hair and pulled him back down for a kiss. 

Castle moved his hand, running over Kate’s stomach causing her muscles to tighten. He made slow, soothing strokes, back and forth, all around from the edge of her breasts to her belly button.

Her hand moved down to the nape of his neck, her nails scraping as she went. A shiver ran through his big body.

Castle broke their kiss to scoop in air. His lips moved along Kate’s neck to her collarbone--licking and tasting as he went. He shifted his body, moving down. His hand moved up to her right breast. His fingertips glided around her whole breast. Kate let out a gasp and then moan. No other man had ever paid such attention to her—always going straight for the center. 

Castle stole a quick kiss from Kate’s sweet lips before moving down to join his hand. He loved the feel of Kate’s soft skin beneath his lips. 

Kate arched up trying to connect more. When Castle’s lips met her nipple, his tongue came out to taste and feel. Kate gave a sharp cry at the attention. Castle repeated the motion over and over. He kissed his way to her other breast, his lips making the same whole path around as his hand had done. 

Kate felt the moisture gather between her legs. She pressed up against Castle’s thigh; he groaned himself. 

Castle moved down, kissing along Kate’s stomach. He could feel her hands on his shoulders, biceps, in his hair, anywhere she could reach. He kissed along her belly button, feeling her twitch a bit. He moved over to her ribs and sides, kissing and running his hands over them, causing her to quiver and gasp. He had discovered a non-common erogenous zone that no one else had paid attention to. Perhaps because he focused on details, he catalogued things most wouldn’t; filing them away in his writer’s mind.  
The first time they had been together had been fast and furious. Now, now Castle was taking his time and exploring as he hadn’t before. Kate was learning, too. 

He kissed the spot, just to the left of her right hip bone. A quill and ink bottle rested there. She said she’d gotten them about a year ago, marking her as a one-writer woman. The smile Castle had given her was of wonder and as if no one had ever done anything as meaningful for him.

Moving down further, he traced her outer thighs, scratching lightly with his nails. Hands running over her knees, he followed his hands with his lips and tongue. And then moved forward to the inside of her thighs with the same treatment, as he opened her up to him.

“You smell so good,” he rumbled.

Kate watched him inhale again, feeling the warm whoosh of his exhale on her most intimate parts. She shuddered.

He licked up the sides of her clit, pausing to admire the view. Kate groaned. He gave her clit a long, slow lick. And then dipped his tongue into Kate, loving the flavor he found. He groaned at the taste, causing Kate to gasp at the vibrations. 

Rick pulled away, much to Kate’s annoyance. He licked his right thumb and then pressed it between her folds. He kept his thumb, nail up and then pushed down towards the bed. 

The second time he did that, he gave Kate a long lick from his thumb to her clit, making sure to cover as much area as he could with his broad tongue. The reaction was instantaneous. Kate gave a cry and jerked at the sensation. Castle repeated his actions. Kate had never had this done to her and found her words stuck in her throat; all she could utter were gasps and moans; her body loving this treatment. 

Castle quickly replaced his thumb with two fingers. He sucked her clit into his mouth. She lifted herself against his mouth. Castle slipped a hand beneath her ass to hold her in place. He flicked his tongue over her clit as he let it go. He heard the breathy moans that escaped her. Castle’s tongue circled and sucked, his two fingers moving inside Kate, faster and harder. He knew the most important aspect of this attention: repetition. He found the thing that made her toes curl, her fist the sheets and he did it over and over. She came with a howl. Castle held Kate in place, while he sucked her over-sensitized clit into his mouth, tongue swirling and pressing hard. She wailed and rocked her hips when she came a second time. He gentled his movements helping her ride the wave and aftershocks, body still twitching. While she still panted and sighed, he moved up the bed to take her into his arms. Kate cuddled him, skin still tingling and gave a breathy sigh as Castle ran a hand over her back. 

After a while Kate began to nuzzle Rick’s neck, she gave the soft crease between his collarbone and neck a kiss. She then made her way up to his jaw and then his mouth. They traded long, languid kisses. Kate shifted her leg, bringing her knee to brush against Castle’s erection. He gave a moan.

Kate’s hands roved over his hard chest. When one wandered down to the flat planes of his stomach, his muscles clenched.

Their kisses became deeper, more demanding. Kate tugged Castle; he rolled them over, cradled between her thighs.

They’d already had the brief exchange of condom? Pill. Clean. Clean.

With that he positioned himself at her center, he silently asked. Kate smiled and nodded, hips already raised to meet him. He guided one of her legs around his back. Kate gave a whimper when he slowly entered her. Castle paused savoring the feel and letting her adjust to him. Kate hooked her other calf around his hip and smiled.

Castle groaned in her ear when she rose up to meet his first thrust. He kissed her deeply. Kate sighed and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, letting out soft purrs with every slow, deep stroke. He rocked back and forth, nearly pulling out, then pushing back in maddeningly slow pace.

Before long the kisses became too much as their lungs demanded more air. Mouths open, sharing breath. Kate felt Castle’s back slick with sweat, his muscles working and bunching, his triceps bulging as he rested on his elbows, and used them for leverage.

Kate begged for harder, pleaded with him not to stop. He didn’t. Her orgasm hit her like a freight train. She jerked and quivered. Castle groaned when she came around him.  
He slowed down, gentling his thrusts, letting her recover and then slowly built back up. Kissing her breast, her jaw, the soft spot on her neck that drove her mad.  
Castle pushed her through, until it felt good again, until she began to want another, needed to come again.

Kate matched Castle’s every move, rolling her hips, taking more of him on every thrust. Everything ceased to matter. Her fingers dug into his back. She felt herself racing to climax. Her already sore muscles protested as her body tensed once more.

Castle wasn’t far behind, thrusting harder. She was still quivering around him as he groaned and stilled. The deep pulse of his, sent shivers of delayed pleasure through Kate. She whimpered and clung to him. 

Castle nearly collapsed on Kate. She tightened her arms around his shoulders, and pulled on him. He eased his arms around her back, holding her close. As they slowly came back to themselves, he rolled to his back, bringing Kate with him, tucking her into his side.

She felt him place a kiss on her forehead before she fell into dream land. 

The bed was absolutely delicious, soft sheets that felt sinful. A cocoon of Castle smell and Castle thoughts surrounded Kate. She slowly stretched, muscles protesting. The space beside her was cooling. Kate got out of bed and found a white button down thrown across the back of the chair. Slipping it on, she padded through Castle’s office, her eyes drawn to the spines bearing his name.

In the kitchen she found said man in gray sweats and nothing else. She stopped to admire the view.

Castle looked up and smiled. “You hungry?”

“Starved.” Kate chuckled, thinking of the many ways they’d built up an appetite.

Rick gave her a sly smile, reading her expression. A pink stain colored her cheeks as she ducked her head.

“We have pancakes and…..fruit.” Setting a bowl of blueberries on the breakfast bar.

Kate moved to the counter where two plates, forks and napkins sat waiting. She took a seat on one of the stools as Castle set the butter and syrup next to the berries.

He sat next to her, knee bumping hers. They shared a grin.

They silently ate, catching each other’s gazes and smiled. Kate remembered a time, moments over the previous months—Ryan’s wedding, Castle dressing as a zombie, a bank robbery—when he’d looked at her, a smile still in place, there would be a shock in the air—the promise of possibility. And now…

Kate couldn’t bring herself to finish the thought. Excitement, wonder, love all brimmed and raced—trying to overtake each other in her system. It all left her speechless.  
She felt Castle’s eyes heavy on her. She turned to him. 

His face was open and wondering. “What’s on your mind, gorgeous?”

Kate grinned and rolled her eyes. They were still Beckett and Castle even when they were Kate and Rick.

Castle’s knee gently bumped hers encouragingly.

Kate turned back to her remaining pancake and shrugged. “Nothing really.”

Rick gave her a sly grin. “You sure?”

Kate’s green eyes sparkled. “Yeah.’

“Later?”

“Maybe.” Kate’s smile was a bit cheeky.

Castle’s smiled and nodded, knowing the woman beside him and went back to his early morning snack. 

Kate looked over and noticed it. With an ‘I can’t take you anywhere’ grin, she reached over to Castle and thumbed a drop of syrup from his bottom lip.

Castle’s eyes darkened as he watched Kate put her thumb between her lips. The move hit him hard; it reminded him of those old movies where the woman would wipe the lipstick she left behind from the kiss.

Rick attacked. Hungrily exploring Kate’s lips. His blueberry stained tongue meeting hers.

“Are you…uh, finished with breakfast?” Castle asked, breathing hard.

“Yeah, I think I am.”

They deposited the dishes in the washer, butter and berries in the fridge and syrup in the cabinet. Castle held out his hand, Kate took hold of his fingers as he led her to his bedroom.

Slowly, softly he slid into and she was ready to receive him. Her breath caught as she matched his gentle rhythm. Again, under the mastery of his hands and mouth, she followed him beyond this world and lost herself in the sensations he invoked. Her fragile hold on reality began to slip as the intensity of his movement increased, pushing her closer and closer to the edge, where, in an explosion of light and feeling, she tumbled over, taking him with her.

Castle slept deep and heavy—down for the count; a still quiet heaviness. Kate gently skated her fingers through the front of his hair. She couldn’t stop the smile. It was silly, but Rick was so cute, face half smashed in the pillow. His remarkably long lashes lay against his cheeks. His powerful arms and shoulders visible above the sheet. Somehow one of the pillows had made it to the foot of the bed. The bedspread was barely hanging on to the corner of Castle’s side. The bed was a wreck; the aftermath of their fun and passion, coming together in so many more ways than physical. 

He was always taking his time to draw her out, letting her tell her story as she wanted. And this new step was no different. 

Kate is the one who is in control of most encounters in her life—job, suspects, witnesses, colleagues. It was in her off time that she kicked off her power heels and became Kate—who wore fuzzy socks or old sneakers. In bed, she wanted to let someone else lead, not only physically, but emotionally as well. Only she had to protect her heart—to where sex became a release and some friendly banter, not intimacy, not laying her soul bare to the one she was with. That is until Castle—her walls crumbled, her heart opened, and her arms came up, asking him to take the lead.

It is easy to take clothes off and have sex—but letting someone into thoughts, fears, future, and hopes—dreams—that’s being naked.

It had been happening link by link—and Kate felt that soon she would have what she truly desired: to just lay together and laugh at the stupidest things, hold each other, share imperfections, and have someone that would be there, always.

Kate eased out of bed, noticing how the sun’s rays turned the buildings golden. She picked up the shirt she’d worn in the wee hours. Padding out into the living room, she enjoyed the stillness. She was seeing everything in a new light, without the distraction of Castle or little Castle. Kate acknowledged the feeling of comfort, of warmth in these surroundings. It wasn’t just the coming together of the objects—it was the feel of home and hearth. She’d felt it after the bank robbery months ago, but stealed herself, brushing the feeling away. But now she called if forth, felt it blossom and grow warm. Her lips parted and her eyes softened in a gleeful smile.

Something woke him. He looked around—equal parts trying to identify his wake up call and thinking ‘did it really happen.’ It came to him, wonderful, full pieces. The touch of skin, the feel of hair, sounds of sighs and laughter, soft breathing. The sight of green eyes alit with love, cloudy with sleep. Scars that changed both of their lives.  
And then…the soft pad of feet on his wood floor. And maroon painted toes, sculpted calves, strong, lean thighs, white hitting tantalizingly, beautiful, soft hair in a disarray that could only mean love had happened to it. 

Kate: lit up with bliss, a wide smile, glittering eyes—as he’d never seen her before.

This was a whole new existence that had Kate giddy. They had been transformed into a new language. Touch and words instead of glances and subtext.

( . . . )

They were quiet after. In the cab, through the lobby, in the elevator. The soft snick of the front door closing thundered across the silence of the loft. Still life met them. Martha and Alexis had left that morning for Europe—Italy first. Castle had seen them the previous night, saying he was helping the 12th wrap up the case involving Beckett’s shooter. Alexis had even texted Kate about a cute guy she’d met at the airport, who had a ‘British accent’ which warranted two smiley face emojis.

It seemed so long ago that they’d woken up here after their first night together. They met each other’s eyes. Castle held out his hand, when Kate placed her small soft one in it, he pulled her towards the office, through it, the bedroom, with the final destination of the bathroom. More importantly the tub.

Kate gave Castle a relieved smile. A bath—soaking in warm water with Castle, maybe a glass of red would be the perfect way to unwind after all of it.

Kate felt somehow lost and found at the same time. She was lost and found in Castle. She’d found who had her mother killed, but had lost the evidence. She’s left her mark on him, but had to let him go. She’d bought her life with a bluff.

She stood in front of the huge tub and felt everything letting go—she was too tired to keep carrying all of it. She leaned back, knowing Castle was right behind her. He gave her a warm kiss to her cheek.

“Mmmm….”

“You want bubbles, candles?”

“Nope. Just you…” looking over her shoulder, and giving him a flirty smile, “and maybe a glass of that red wine you keep.”

Castle chuckled. “Sure. I’m beginning to think you’re with me for my food.” As he stepped into his bedroom he heard her amend. “And your bathroom”

He came back with two glasses of deep red liquid to find Kate sitting on the edge of his filling tub, fingers gently skimming the warm water.

She looked up at him with warm tired eyes and a soft smile. Castle stepped forward, handed her a glass, and then tipped her chin up. He placed a sweet, slow kiss to her lips.  
Pulling back he saw the color of her eyes had changed to a bright green. They were mesmerizing; he could feel them pulling him in. Later, he thought. He set his glass on the counter and shed his clothes, dropping them in the hamper atop of Kate’s. That sight alone made his heart stutter. Not only was she comfortable in his space, she was comfortable stealing his clothes. He loved it.

Kate sat in the tub, glass of wine in hand and watched Castle take all of it in. She smiled to keep the tears at bay. “Hey.” When she got his attention she asked the age old question. “You coming?”

“Wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to share a soak with the woman I love.”

As he settled in behind her and she relaxed against him, he heard her murmur, “sap.”

“Romantic.” He corrected.

They drank her glass of wine. Kate playfully elbowing him the first time he took it from her. They breathed, letting the quiet fill them, letting the warm water soothe tired muscles and frayed nerves. They dressed comfortably—shorts and t-shirts—Castle’s. They ate Chinese food slowly, sharing. They made love to reconnect and reaffirm—bonds, love, history. They slept soundly and comfortably. And when Castle woke up the following morning Kate was still sleeping by his side. 

He was filled with a sense of wonder. A sense of non-belief for something that had already happened. In the soft light of the risen sun he looked at the roundness of her shoulder, swell of her hip, curl of her fingers. He loved her like an ache to his heart.

Castle had heard it said that your soul mate is the person who mends your broken heart by giving you theirs. He wasn’t sure if he agreed with it, but there was something about it that made sense.

He’d known something was off other than writer’s block when he met the good detective. She’d given him spirit, her ferocity, will to see the proper things happen. He’d used those to form a character, but it had filled him with a sense of fulfillment that allowed him to pour it onto the paper. He knows he tried and fought like hell to give her his in the form of support—having her back when her apartment was blown up, when she shot the man that had stabbed her mother. There was so much give and take between them—true partners. Dirty bombs, freezers and snipers.

“Hey.” The rough voice broke into his thoughts. “Whatchya thinkin’ ‘bout so hard?” It was almost a slur.

“Contemplating life.” Castle leaned in for a kiss.

“Mmm….complicated?”

“The thinking or life?”

“Both.” Kate’s eyes closed.

Castle brushed a thumb along her jaw. “Yes and no.”

They had spoken candidly over Chinese last night. Kate confessed to having second thoughts about her resignation. Castle had encouraged her to drop by to see Gates this morning. He’d promised to stay in the break room.

“Are you ready…today, we could do it tomorrow?”

“But my letter…”

“You could call and ask her to hold it.”

“No, I want to do it today and in person.”

“Okay.” Castle gave her another kiss before throwing aside the covers. “We’ll need coffee.”

( ------ )

The clock on the night stand glowed; 2:13 appeared in green. The bed was empty. Castle looked in the direction of the bathroom and found the door open and the light off. Only shadows were with him.

His ankle popped as he got out of bed. The chair was empty. He searched for his robe on the floor and found nothing. He mentally shrugged and yawned, making his way into the other spaces of the loft in search of Kate.

Just passing the door of his office, his eyes were immediately drawn to the only clear light source. The refrigerator was open. His ninja skills kicked in and he made it to the appliance without a sound. He grinned, but restrained from laughing. The sight before him was downright adorable. Kate wore his navy robe, one of his dark t-shirts, hair in a messy ponytail, spoon backwards in her mouth and ice cream container in her hand. 

“Whatcha doin’?” Castle whispered in her ear.

Startled and blushing, Kate turned, spoon still in her mouth. She pulled the blue-handled utensil from her mouth, her diamond-flecked green eyes sparkled with mirth. She gently thumped him in the chest for giving her a freight.

He stopped smiling. A solemn, tender look came over his face.

“What?”

“Your eyes are gray.” He whispered. 

It was true. When she wore blue her eyes were a gray. When she wore gray they were almost a light blue. Over the last few days Castle had been logging this new info finally close enough to be privy to it.

After a quick kiss that surprised Kate, Castle stole the container of ice cream from her and was walking off towards the bedroom. 

“Didn’t mean to wake you.” Kate mumbled as they sat against the headboard.

“It’s knowing something’s missing.” Castle took her spoon, tasting the rich raspberry cheesecake flavor. 

They’d snagged it that morning, shopping for groceries. The simple act still made Castle smile like an idiot. Kate would probably thump him and tease him mercilessly if he sent her an anniversary card next week.

Kate could see it in his eyes—cloudy with memories. She studied him, feeling the thrill and embarrassment at knowing not only were they sharing a spoon, but eating from the carton they’d bought together. So couple-y and domestic. How pathetic was she? She felt 16, holding hands with the boy she liked. 

( … )

Kate sat in Starbucks, a glass glass, (a silly phrase she’d gotten from Castle) filled with a delightfully rich blend sat in front of her. She read a book while people-watching. And thrilled in being that person, the one that is cool and could linger. People might wonder who she was. They might take a closer look—she’s beautiful, is she a model, or an actress they don’t quite recognize.

The energy and people delighted her; light and playful. The Indie music helped.

Castle was at Black Pawn taking a meeting he couldn’t avoid and Kate was taking advantage of her suspension.

The temperature was pleasant. She’d never noticed it before. The tables and walls were cool, but not from an over powering AC. Almost like they stayed cool because they’d never known heat except to keep the patrons warm in the winter months.

Baskets full of possibilities: rich and dark, a hint of chocolate, blonde for those that favored lighter tastes. The many pictures of flavorful and interesting drinks behind the counter showing off the fruity, cool, new refreshing latte flavors. Cups, mugs, glasses, tasty treats and sandwiches that were supposed to be healthy.

Everyone was doing their own thing: computers, tablets, smart phones in hand. Typing and talking. Kate could picture Castle nestled in the corner, sipping an espresso, leather notebook jotting notes, observations, perhaps writing his next chapter.

She noticed people discreetly check the other patrons out. Gauging if the ones standing in line would stay. The ebb and flow of those sitting, would tables open up, or did they have to take their coffee and run.

It was more than the coffee. The energy she mentioned earlier was inviting and refreshing, vibrant. It caused people to linger, indulge in the creative. It soothed. It was the perfect balance. How did coffee houses do that? It was more than a cultural thing—a social ritual that people felt the need to perform.

She took a sip of her coffee. Her eyes peeked over the pages to survey the landscape. It was more than her cop instincts—she was keeping inventory of everyone. A fascination.  
She’d never been someone of luxury. Having worked from the age of 15—modeling, tutoring, through high school and college and then going to the academy.

A guy caught her eye and grinned. She nodded back politely. He had that Wall Street look. She tracked him, aware of his eyes on her. When his coffee was finally ready, he grabbed it and made a beeline for her.

She was ready to say, thanks, but no thanks. I’ve got a boyfriend, when a familiar scent caught her. It caused her to reflexively inhale deeper. Castle’s arm was around her shoulders and he was planting a kiss to her cheek as he took a seat beside her. Mr. Wall Street stopped and his face fell. (She felt a bit bad for him.) But just slightly. The man of her dreams was beside her, taking her hand and asking what she had been up to. And then giving her a hard time about the Wall Street guy drooling over her. 

( -------- )

This time was so different. This time making waffles and eggs and bacon in Castle’s kitchen, dawn on the horizon, it was just the two of them. Her apartment was intact and she didn’t have to be there, she wanted to. This made her grin. 

Before it was like she had been living under water, holding her breath—and now, now she could finally breathe. One night had changed everything. She’d never had such in any relationship. She’d never fallen for someone before—spoken words, or shared kisses.

She’d never been in love before, the times before had been play acting. This was the real thing.

Kate put two plates heaped with eggs, waffles and bacon. Syrup and butter, along with silverware and napkins joined. She’d made them each a coffee. 

When she stepped into the bedroom she found Castle sprawled across the bed. She placed the tray lightly on the floor and then sat on the bed. Running a hand across his powerful shoulder, she waited for him to stir. 

He turned, eyes crinkling with a smile. “Hi.” Sleepy and soft. It reminded her of cuffs and a tiger.

“Hi.” Hers was just as soft.

“Is that bacon and coffee?” He was more awake then.

Kate giggled. “Yes.” She moved to get the tray. 

Castle reached out for it, to help her. He set it down and then waited for her to snuggle beside him.

They ate, drank and laughed. She wiped a speck of bacon from his lower lip; he kissed her lips tasting buttery syrup. They lazed, finishing the coffee, sliding their fingers together as they held hands, playing, memorizing and talking. 

( … )

Kate hugged her dad and Castle watched for a moment before he got himself moving. He pulled his mother into a dramatic hug, causing her to chuckle. It was when Martha pulled Kate into a firm embrace that Jim paused to take it in. Castle could see him digesting this. Mr. Beckett turned to the man in his daughter’s life and offered his hand. Castle gladly shook it.

The parents insisted on going home, even sharing a cab. They left Kate and Castle looking at each other in bafflement on the curb. 

After what seemed like minutes, Castle tugged on the hand he’d been holding since exiting the elevator. “Ready to go?”

Kate’s focused was still split. “Uh….yeah, yeah.”

It’d been a long night—they were still recovering emotionally, from fighting, wondering if the other was still alive, but it was no question they would be together.  
They shared a “death by chocolate” in bed. Commenting about how weird it was seeing their parents like that. Chuckling, Castle put the dish and spoon on the bed side table, turned around and gave Kate a sound kiss. 

They snuggled together while Castle called up Netflix. They were silent as they scrolled through the movies, pointing out one movie or another, finally settling on one from a few years back, “The Hangover”.

Kate curled into Castle, her head on his shoulder, right hand lying on his hard stomach. Soon, Kate slipped her hand beneath his shirt, loving the feel of his skin. Making circles and drawing patterns, Kate didn’t noticed at first the change in his breathing. 

She admitted, she does look. She looked below the belt; checks out a guy’s package. She’s had plenty of guys speaking to her chest; check out her ass or any number of women going past. It’s human to look. So she doesn’t apologize when she checks Castle out in boxers, lounge pants, jeans—front and back. And she loves how Castle languorously filled out his Calvin Klein boxers. 

Her hand wondered to the base of his chest. It was then that Kate felt him twitch. Her eyes drifted down and saw the head poking out of his boxers. She loved knowing how much she turned him on, how much he desired her, just as his desire for her. Namely, how it was almost a hunger that drove Castle when he saw Kate. Loved to kiss her, taste her, lick her. She returned the favor, telling how she loved how he looked in any state—flaccid, half-mast, or standing proud.  
And now, he was straining. Kate moved down to run her tongue over him. Castle closed his eyes and jerked, hissing out her name.  
Clothes were torn off. Again, Castle couldn’t keep from tasting her and finding her just as she’d said she was, very, very wet.

She begged him. When he rose up, she saw how hard he was, running parallel to his chest. A part of him read to impale her. Castle rubbed himself through Kate’s lips—driving them both mad. Finally he joined them. 

There was something to be said about experience, technique, slow-paced, quality not quantity. Not a young guy that can go five times in one night when each time is three minutes long, she was thankful for all of this as she slipped into sleep, lulled by Castle’s gentle pattern along her back. 

( *** )  
When had it happened? 

Castle kicked off his slippers, watching as Kate finished rubbing in her lotion as she came out of the bathroom. They climbed in bed, sharing a grin. Castle reached over and placed a kiss on her neck, breathing her in. Kate smiled and moved her neck; he’d tickled her.  
She was wearing an off red t-shirt of his, about 100 years old. It was one of three that had somehow come to be hers. And then in his bathroom—a gray toothbrush, the matching mate to his black one—shampoo and a bit of makeup had shown up little by little without him even taking notice. In the front closet two light coats hung next to his. A pair of scuffed up sneakers rested on the other side of his closet, where a few work clothes hung. Her favorite ice cream could be found in the freezer and that coffee creamer she loved to use--the kind that made her pause and inhale the scent before she took that first sip--was in the fridge. 

The chill in the air had naturally replaced the hot, humid weather, just as naturally as Kate had come into the loft. Reminders of her everywhere. He loved it. It thrilled him and humbled him. Made him want to stop people on the street and tell them the story, every bit of it from the first time she said, “Richard Castle, you’re under arrest,” to the last time he laid her down and had her proclaiming to a deity.  
He picked up the book from his nightstand. He felt Kate snuggle against his shoulder. She breathed deeply, closing her eyes. He concentrated on the feel of her more than the words of 'The Hobbit'.

The End…for now.


End file.
